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12:53pm 22/01/2006
mood: awake

I want to do and create so much but I cant, I have to wait.
I want to say 'fuck college', and create my own path -- but I cant.

I have been laying low from [Life] working in photoshop since my last project, and just creating little shits here and there. Still self-teaching myself with new tutorials I find at times.

I've been working on a shirt with the title 'Coma White', for about a week now, I think its going to turn out pretty cool.
Random Thought:
I dont think I've lasted outside while sun out for more than 1 hour, when I AM out, its usually at night with longer hours.

I want to see them ::Again::


With or Without You   
08:48pm 10/11/2005
mood: melancholy

I think everyone would feel like this, if not all the time, then once in a while.

Past weeks/days, I have amusingly gotten in more trouble than any other time. I dont care thou, because it was all worth it. Whether to actually live my life and have fun, or to stay and comfort someone that needed someone to just hear them out. My eyes have really opened up to who people really are, and what friends are

I recently wrote a poem, and from how I feel, more to come. A poem called ' De-Obscene', from a experience unlike any other; the feeling of someone just grabbing your hand in tears and holding on while saying ' thank you..' can really leave someone in thought.. . .

The Wicked One . . .Collapse )

      7 Rumors -  Blasphemous
09:32pm 19/09/2005
mood: awake
Not being able to be there when he passed away, brings back the guilt from 9th grade when I couldnt be there either.

school is grueling, but its not that bad

Havent really used photoshop for a while. Lot of inspiration for stuff has gone and comeback, but I'm still going to create what I want.
Play Dead   
05:38pm 29/08/2005
mood: busy
Got back from taking my bro. to regis. so hot. turned out he has Pruett as well.
Meet up with Amber, helped her out, and gaver her a ride. Turns out Wendy is now employed at the Ross Wherehouse as well. I'm really worried for her working there, cause my mom works there, coming home with bruises and taking back braces.
And finding out that wendy is now there, iam worried, seeing how i care for her and stuff. My mom has app. gotten used to working there, she made friends and all and stuff. but all in all. wherehouse working is pain to me.
Mother being in Mexico taking care of another grandpa of mine, which is my top prority, which explains why i dont give a fuck bout other stuff.

Glad I was able to get away from stuff, which I thank Mario L., Aly G., Renae, and Mike for all coming to a dinner at Benihannas' (or however you spell it). Next time I guess were planning Gladstones in L.A.
Went to the Wherehouse of collectables with Phill over on City of Indus. Always get amazed at the sutff they have there. I'm saving $30 to buy actually steel Batman Batarangs. I didnt know they make those, there sharp as hell too.

Then school coming up. nervous abit. might see wendy on thurs. D'armmani soon to ' take over a wall'.
"Focker out"
09:40pm 05/08/2005
mood: okay
I am back on livejournal and online, after bout a month of just recollection and thought I guess. bout lot of things,
Still some things I must patch up thou.
Am getting a job hopefully as a graphic desginer or a layout artist on mon. Just have to bring in some drawing so they see what I can do. Pay $10, so it aint bad a start for a first job.
Since this place is in Perris, bout 20 min. from here, I am still deciding and looking for something closer round here, but thats what Iam going for.

Been trying to boost myself-motivation and stuff by going out on jogs and stuff. Its almost like therapy for me, cause i dont know..it clears my mind, and it feels good after the run that I am able to run what I couldnt when I WAS in school.

" I guess what makes me happy the most is that you have people around you, that care bout you. "
      3 Rumors -  Blasphemous
09:35pm 15/06/2005
mood: accomplished
I fin. Millers final, I just didnt do the part where you have to analyze 1 work..I'm through with that, I dont need the class to grad. anyway.
Tomm. I'm going to have a special photoshoot. I'm going to use Wendy and use some props..bought some corn syrup to make some blood to use on her. She will be my final for photo.
I was surprised that at the banquet all my awards were for photography. I thought I was going to get something for graphic art (since thats what I do)
So my Limo project is almost done. I didnt get to use Ally in it cause the pic. would have looked over-crowded with characters, so I thought of another project in which to use ally in again. She's such the perfect model.

I really hope I passed Econ. I have to have pass. I mean I pass the final, theres stocks, the map test we took, and the 25 pt. we get...well today I kind of did fall asleep without knowing. So tired.

Why am I d-loading Yeah yeah Yeahs song?. Thank you jason.
and bring the book.
08:19pm 08/06/2005
mood: busy
I'm studying for my earth science final right now. I dont think I really needed too, cause even if I failed it, I would still pass. I'm VeRy Concerned bout my Econ class. Just the thought that if I failed that stupid test I wont graduate on time. I'll begin to study after earth science

I have alot of projects to do. I have my limo project that I'm trying to work on. The final for photography, Iam gonna bring some props tomm to school. and Iam going to use Wendy. I'm going to literally try to decompose her with what Iam thinking of. This is the big one for me.
Banquet coming up. find something to wear.Iam going to drive there so if anyone wishes to join, your welcome too.

Iam a bit nervous bout the graduation get-together that mother and me are putting together..cause it might be a lot of people.

back to study
Diana BeTtEr take a copy of Pruetts final...
      7 Rumors -  Blasphemous
This is like ' your almost glad to be handicapped '   
11:36pm 31/05/2005
mood: calm
I want to do a photoshoot. It would be my last big project before the year is over. So far I have
Elysha - Innocence
Mario - The Priest
Ally - Gossip Girl (1 of 2)
I still need someone to be the drug addict, a business man and another gossiper. I have people and stuff.
Thing is, next week I think is finals..and I dont want to do this during that time. Fuck. I fucking hate not having a car sometimes.
Oh well. learn to live without.

I have one last resort to see bout Jasons grad. thing. to go to the other board member next door. haha and talk with her and ask bout this...and actually ask her what are the options and what could be done. Cause I think we failed on doing so with out last meeting.
      5 Rumors -  Blasphemous
If you see Ally, give her a hug   
08:27pm 25/05/2005
mood: accomplished

Well, the piece is finally complete after bout a week and a half of work. Contenet with the various things people said, and I'm not just exaggerating what they, thats what they actually said there at the top on the pic.

Clearly the most gore I've ever done

Entered the Art Expo, payed my due and turned in 3 pieces today..and I'm just more content at the fact that people will see my stuff more that wining anything.

Thank you Ally. luv you.


      7 Rumors -  Blasphemous
Happy B-day Joanne. (love her)   
10:41pm 20/05/2005
mood: good
I feel good...
nah fuck that.

I feel very good, for the first time in like a couple weeks
10:51pm 16/05/2005
mood: busy
I should be stuyding for my econ. test tomm. but Jason has my book. oh well..cheat sheet.

So wendy's new boyfriend is very jealous of me because me and her are good friends now. He stares at me alot, and from what I put together he has a very aggressive mouth, not so much physically. Though I have a feeling, that if he really does see me more of a threat he's going to come up to me and who knows. *hint, hint*. Like Isabel said, its not my fault though. oh well. its not that I cant take him, its just that I dont want to get into a conflict, because grad. is near.

I finally fin. the pic. of Ally in photoshop. It's getting the reviews that I wanted and expected from people. The way I see it and believe so is that, just because you create something doesnt fully make it art, you have to have the imapact and reaction of others whether positive or neg. to make it what it is.
My house is fin. of alteration, new t.v, tunred the volume on my dads stereo high and relaxed after a weekend of hard work
Paid for the Art Expo (Iam in now), now to just get my pieces ready, after a lil survey I decided which ones.
so sorry didnt come over Selene, there was still furniture to be moved and just now fin.
Why am I becoming friends with the guy who's painting my house?   
11:57pm 09/05/2005
mood: bitchy
I really do not want to call Ally's Frank a jerk, but man he really had nerve. In finding out what happ. did get some-what mad, and upset for her.
I now have to find this guy that me and my mom know that may help Jason out in his situation, but man...what if?

I had a dream that involved many people I knew. Elysha crying on my shoulder, Mandi talking to Elysha. Wendy and Amber telling me that drugs are good. haha Also drawing some weird symbol on Amber
I'm going to start taking note of my dreams again. I tend to forget how much idea they can spark for something to create

fuck man, I cant find this cd I need that had alot of my work, tutorials, brushes, pics. and stuff. Since now fucking picture trail wont let me get to my account unless I upgrade. piece of shit.

I wanted to enter that art expo. thing, but i'm afraid im not good enough to show anything, or rather my work is not good enough to be shown..either way..I dont know. Then again, it would be cool if I can get me name and sort of style out. well see.
      4 Rumors -  Blasphemous
12:22am 05/05/2005
mood: content
I d-loaded the new NIN video and saw Twiggy in it playing bass. that was cool
I have been trying this week to come out with another good project pic. in photoshop, but I cant seem to do it sometimes cause what I attempt takes along time to perfect
Didnt go to prom, I kind of wish I did cause everyone was there, even the ones I have not really talked to in 2 years

I really must start getting my act together when it comes to tests for classes, end of the year a month away, and I need to come out a bit stronger in things. Esp. in Econ and Millers.
So Elysha wants to take me to a club in upland called Oasis. I'm not sure yet. Since she goes every Thurs, and I dont feel like going and coming back at 3am and then having to go to school next day. maybe over the summer.
      1 Rumor -  Blasphemous
These Pretzels...   
11:07pm 26/04/2005
mood: content

I have finally some-what finished my latest lik piece on photoshop for Bens project.
My eyes are burning from being on the comp. for so long.
I havent played the sims at all today.
Working, and taking pics. all today. and have not done nothing else.

Today seemed somewhat boring for me. nothing really went on. except for that drinking thing..but I was getting tired of standing.
I have yet another idea for a project. But this time for Salley's, I want to use Jason. well see.

      2 Rumors -  Blasphemous
Oh Well   
06:39pm 19/04/2005
mood: okay
I'm trying to get these Sim games to co-exist with each other, but its hard. Since one version is the real disk one and the other is a d-loaded version.

Grades slowly going up.
Things seem to actually be going ok.

I'm slowly buying other clothes of color. Last week I purchased a somewhat dark blue collar shirt, sun. bought a grey simpson shirt, and next time something diff.

If migranes occur because a person doesnt eat alot, then I would have been dead by now. So why did a headache hit me like a bitch yesterday when I hardly ate Last Week.?. oh well.

Looks like I'm offcially not going to prom. Literally broke due to funds that have been lost to the house. Would have been nice thou. oh well.
      1 Rumor -  Blasphemous
Do you like steak?   
10:39pm 13/04/2005
mood: okay
Iam glad my neg. for photography came out good. I think I may have a new signature pic. Last time it was my hallway pic. now, I have various possibilities.
I love Lauren.
I'd say Isabel can begin to ask him for a ride home in a bout a week.
Hopefully I can get my car soon.

Iam testing to see if I can d-load The Sim and the expansion packs..oh its done. Lets see...
09:14pm 01/04/2005
mood: mischievous
A new driver has been added to the group
      2 Rumors -  Blasphemous
Watch the Nanny   
09:26pm 28/03/2005
mood: sleepy
So me and Jesus made a bet, to see whoever looses weight by the end of a month
Since its a bet, I have to stick to my diet now. I did this in order to trap myself, because I can never loose weight like I want to no more.
Iam so hungry...self control. No Iam not starving myself.

Why? Why her, perhaps I've been faced with this news late, but still. Thats it, I'm going to play video games.

This time Iam going to see how long I can keep my hair while still spiking it up. No really, this time I'm going to try, so far so good. It's only irritating, cause its time consuming.
      4 Rumors -  Blasphemous
07:56pm 23/03/2005
mood: drained
I dont know why I have the tendency to go to sleep so late. I mean I have the oppertunity to go to sleep early..like now if I wanted too, but then I start playing video games, leave HW till like 10:30, and I end up going to bed at 2am like this morning. Oh well.

Finished the power point for Miller, looks kind of evil, but its done..thats all I care about
Also finished the script for Miller. I called it Hallway, it think it came out alright, I got all into it, but I tried not to go too deep into it, since it was only for a short film type script. But hey, Peter like it, so thats cool.

I get tend to get more creative when I watch 'Project Greenlight' on BRAVO. haha, cause seeing the process of all the creativity and writing that writers and producers go through, feels like something I would like to do.
I had to call the AI people to confirm that Iam not attending no more. It still gets me down thinking bout it, cause I really did like it.

have so much work to do.
Seems as if everyone is now taking their permit test this time of year.
You cant begin to feel, fuck you   
08:15pm 17/03/2005
mood: Managing
This week just wasnt exactly my week, It was so gloomy and dismal for me.
Seems as if Elysha is just out of the picture now. I was glad cause she was very open with me today, but not as glad to find out what she did for the 2nd time, seeing the fact that I really liked her.

My mom is like the mother every teen would want to have just to hate. haha

My mom found out that I was absent that one fri. me, Jason, Isabel and Jeff went to the mall and stuff. And now she wants to go talk to some of my teachers. She's stupid cause, what is that gonna help, thats not gonna do anything. Plus, like Miller, Salley are like always marking me absent from time to time even when I am there. So I can just say that. I told her that, but she said, that she can get to believe me, but she wants to know for sure. Fuck, whats done is done, Its not like talking with my teachers is gonna change the absence. Bitch

I was a bit depressed today in the begining. It wore off a bit as the day went on thou. So sorry Isabel if I didnt really talk to you, still love u.

When I got home, my dad got me a copy of Finding Neverland. For being a bootleg copy, the dvd is like a real damn dvd. haha I mean it has like the interactive menus, deleted scenes ..everything. It was a good movie. After the movie I slept for like 3 hours and woke up, and started playing video games. Iam gonna go play again.

Iam taking my driving test next fri. Now I can drive out of here, instead of drowning in my pool of self-pitty and trying to climb out of it.
      5 Rumors -  Blasphemous